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Went to my doctor today to go over my ultrasound and some more blood work that I did last week. I have been diagnosed with PCOS. When my doctor brought this to my attention he made it seem like it wasn't going to be that big of a problem for getting pregnant but after this visit I cant help but to think that seeing a baby in our future is not going to be as soon as I had hoped for. I know I really need to be positive and not cause more stress on myself so I just need to get this off my chest (that is how I handle things). anyways.... He was having me track my cycle and taking ovulation tests and from those results he said that I ovulate way later than what I should (which I already knew). Because of this it makes my window of getting pregnant really small. He then went over some more blood work and he said one hormone is really high and another is really really low. The one that is really low concerns him because if I were to get pregnant I would have a high chance of miscarrying. When he said that I just lost it. One of my biggest fears is having a miscarriage and if I were to have one let alone be thousands of miles away from family and friends I don't know what I will do.  I was all by myself, at that point I really wish Ryan would have came with me. He then told me that that's not to say that I wont get pregnant just that the minute I find out I need to call his office and come in to get my blood work done again to check my hormone levels to see if I need medication to help me prevent having a miscarriage. He is also wanting me to go on a special diet. With having PCOS it is very hard to lose weight.  Losing weight helps your hormones get back to where they should be. I am sure he told me more but honestly I couldn't stop crying that it kinda just went in one ear and out the other.
I have been on Clomid for the past two months. I was really hopeful that the first cycle would work, because of how many people I have talked to that it worked on the first round. That wasn't the case for me. I really hate clomid. Everyone said watch out for all of the horrible side effects. The first month I had none and then the second month I was bitchy, saw that I was losing my patience with Paisley ( which never happens). I was constantly hot and I gained 7 pounds. The only positive part about the 7 pounds that I gained was that I had to go up a cup size :).  I mentioned to my doctor that we are moving at the end of June and he asked me if I would want to wait till after my move to continue the medication. Parts of me says no I want to be pregnant yesterday but with everything going on I think it is best for us to wait till after our big move. Also, this will give me some time to focus on making myself healthier and getting my hormone levels closer to where they should be. 
I don't want people to feel like they cant talk to me about this or me not being excited that they are pregnant or just had a baby because that is far from the truth. Honestly, it actually makes me very happy when I hear someone is pregnant or just had a new baby because that is how I would want them to feel if I were pregnant or having a baby.